What a Difference a Day Makes
Deftly navigate a life-altering situation through honest and authentic conversation
One morning, avid runner, adventurer, and overall healthy 35yo Jen Griffin woke up with what she thought was the flu. Three days and a trip to the emergency room later, her sudden and unexpected battle with sepsis left her a quad-amputee.
What a difference a day makes.
I’ve recently gained tremendous insight into the world labeled “disabled.” (Thanks TikTok!) Unpacking ableism and understanding that every last one of us is naively navigating the world as someone who is quite simply predisabled has opened my eyes to the harsh reality of human vulnerability. We are one day away from waking up with no hands and no feet, like my colleague Jen; we are 24-hrs away from the ability to walk up stairs or see at night to be irrevocably changed; we are minutes away from everything we know about how to navigate our world is profoundly and permanently different.
And so what happened to Jen when she returned to work in a professional firm, an office where no one has ever, in the history of the company, needed this level of accommodation? Every single thing about how they did business was forced to change: Health Insurance, Office Policies, Accessibility.
It’s one thing to plan for accommodations with an incoming employee who clearly presents with support needs, even if you haven’t had anything in place until now. It’s a whole ‘nother beast to suddenly, without any warning or contingency plan, to have an able-bodied employee suddenly become quite drastically disabled. (Let’s all also acknowledge that 1:4 of your co-workers are statistically struggling to meet expectations with an unseen, rarely acknowledged disability, like neurodivergence.)
What Jen wants us to know in this profoundly poignant podcast interview with Stoned Fruit client and colleague (and my friend) Jen Thornton on her podcast Let’s Fix Leadership is that the only way to work through this life-altering situation is through honest and authentic conversation.
You must actually, actively, talk about it.
“Standing in a room with people looking at me, asking me questions that were….uncomfortatable. It was visible. I finally said, ‘you guys, you know, you have to guide this as if it was your wife or your child…just have a heartfelt conversation,” she remembers on this powerful podcast episode called “A Heartfelt Dialogue About Disability.”
In other words, yes, it’s awkward. We all feel frail, vulnerable, and unforgiveably human when we someone else’s hurt, injury, or otherwise physical compromise is right in front of us. You must find your voice in the wake of terrifying irrevocable change and you must figure it out together.
She asks leaders of all shapes and sizes to do the lift of making the ask: “Do you have everything you need to be successful?” Feeling supported, in a safe space, and part of the team is the ONLY way to truly foster an inclusive environment.
The life lesson for all of us in Jen’s story is to normalize the conversation: What do you need? What do we need to know? How can we all grow from this dialogue? She reminds us to give grace. “No one knows the answers,” she says, “Show compassion. Share the emotional labor. Gift the gift of empathy.”
Jen has made much peace with the turn her life has taken. It’s created a skillset, attuned body comfort, and a growth mindset.
If you—or someone you love is impacted by what we call “disability”—listen to this incredible episode. It changed my perspective on how to “people” better by embracing the idea that fear ruins everything for everyone so can we just talk about it?
Be prepared for life to change in an instant. Face your fear and get ready to have the tough conversations we all need to adjust to any new reality, external or internal, personal or professional, global or right in your own home. Embrace grace and have the courage to ask the people most affected what they need; they may not always know the answer, but it should be the center of the solution.
This is such an important conversation. When we design for the most vulnerable among us, everybody wins. Life changes in an instant so can we just talk about it?